Anorexia
…I know many of you out there have nothing but contempt for anyone suffering from this “illness” and I empathize with you. Only in a nation boasting of the highest quality of life could we expect such a ridiculous ailment. The inability to eat. Amazing. What a message to send to other, less-fortunate peoples, who actually have to face Mr.Death every day. What stupid, decadent, weak-minded people we must be to them.
…But like any other form of madness, it’s a compulsive behavior that the sufferer does not actually recognize as a problem. Lack of will power? Don’t tell me someone who can starve themselves to death doesn’t have will power. Its more like a glitch, a rogue pattern of thought, that once cemented-in by time, becomes increasingly difficult to correct. This doesn’t mean they’re entitled to our pity; no one in this world should expect to receive guidance or help, but in a better world we all would have had a little more.
…One of my great personal tragedies is, I once dated a girl who became severely anorexic. I’d had this huge crush on her all through my Junior year in high school, but she was involved with someone. It was one of those deals where I just sort of adored everything about her. The color of her hair, her posture. The holes in her socks. A totally innocent thing where I only wanted to live within the warmth of her smile.
…When school started up the next year she was fair game. I’d noticed she was a little thinner but, when you’re young, you half expect the people you know to look slightly different after a summer break. She wore baggy skater clothes so I didn’t realize just how thin she’d become. I started dating her and thats when I realized there was something very wrong.
…She constantly read these damn nutrition magazines. Nutrition magazines spend more time attacking natural foods like meat and cheese and eggs and milk, than they do pre-packaged manufactured foods. Fucking asshole publishers can’t side with foods that human beings actually EVOLVED eating, they’d rather sell you some garbage that costs less to produce, more to buy, designed in a lab, is full of soy fillers and has no fucking nutritional value. So she decided to become a vegetarian. Then she decided it was best to be a vegan. And so on until she simply eliminated nearly every food from the list of stuff she would eat.
…Her parents did everything they could. They warned her that if there wasn’t any improvement she was going to the hospital. I was just a kid so I didn’t know what to do. There was no such thing as intimacy. I just sort of watched over her and tried to help her, because I loved her.
…Its awful to watch someone you care about disintegrate before your eyes. You just want to grab them and smack the shit out of them and force them to eat something, but it isn’t that easy. They conceal their bodies with warm clothes because they’re always cold. Then one day they take off the jacket and you can’t believe how much they’ve wasted away, right in front of you. Gradually, you notice their personality has changed and they aren’t even the same person anymore. Deep down you know it’s because of brain damage and there’s no turning back. Tell me that realization wouldn’t make your blood run cold.
…I’d buy her food and I begged her to eat. She just became more and more distant. She wouldn’t talk, she wouldn’t drink her little calorie shakes that her doctor was giving her… I felt like I’d lost her even before she was ever mine.
…No full grown human being should ever weigh less then 100 pounds, there is no reason for it, health, aesthetic, whatever. If you see someone doing this to themselves, it’s your job as a fellow human being to tell them they’re all fucked up. And be brutal about it. Snap them out of it or check them into a hospital. My girl got down to 76 pounds before the hospital finally took her in. 76 pounds. Thats about 34.5 kilograms. Thats two bags of dry dog-food.
…I called her to break up with her because I couldn’t stand the thought of watching her die. The same day I got a phone call from her telling me she was checked-in to the hospital and finally getting some help. I felt like such a bastard. I’d lost my nerve right when she needed me the most, and I didn’t even have the heart to visit her the whole time she was in the hospital. That’s one of my greatest regrets and it still haunts me.
…Well, she got better, and she grew into a beautiful woman. Tall and healthy, slim but strong. Long brown hair, and a face that belongs to a wood nymph. We stayed on good terms but she was still a little odd, and anyway, I knew that I no longer deserved her. I don’t know her anymore, but I still love her.
Her name is Regina.
SARACANITE 