http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com

This is a great site and a great magazine. It’s about consuming copious amounts of alcohol, but in a gentlemanly fashion.

They’re fighting that sterile American mindset that has been so encouraged for the last few years. You know, ever since they stopped treating us like citizens and started treating us like we’re Wal-Mart associates (no offense you any of you actual mouth-breathing Wal-Mart associates out there given you can actually read) These guys are all about taking back the class and attitude of a by-gone era, when people drank and didn’t take it so seriously as they do today.

These days we’re all so afraid of everything. Hey, back in the old days when everyone drank, there were D.U.I.s and people wrecking cars into telephone poles and all that stuff; but when they did, they said, “That’s the way it goes.”

Life goes on because there are more important things to worry about. These days, a fella gets the book thrown at him because he had four beers before driving home, and everyone acts like he ran his car into a church on Sunday morning. When the hell did we all become such pussies? Hey, forget this guaranteed survival bullshit. Give me a life worth celebrating.

Hey you know what else? Sometime people die. Good! Last I checked there were too damn many of us anyway. Are you telling me we should demonize one of the few universal solutions to tolerating our futile existence on this old cinder… Just because we want those among us that have no willpower or survival instinct to LIVE? And pass on their reckless defective genes to their offspring?

Well sir, if that’s how you feel about it; I’m sorry to say that I not only sternly disagree with you, but I would also request that you oblige me by vigorously fucking yourself . If you’re too dumb to live, I’m sorry to report, you should DIE. Give me the freedom to wipe from the slate, the mockery that is my life, through acts of subconscious oblivion.

Hell, you take away the booze, and you find out what nobody wants to face: That without it, or any other social excuse for misbehavior, we’ll still be a mob of selfish assholes anyway.

Booze has been here along side man longer than recorded civilization. Who’s to say we could have pulled it all off without it?