Constipation – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constipated

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Named for the lovely town of Bristol! So which one are you? I must confess, I usually have a case of the ol’ Type 2’s. I only ever get a Type 4 after drinking alot of Budweiser. But I don’t drink Budweiser very often, only when I’m at some lame ass place that only carries Budweiser and something even worse… like Heineken or Becks or something. Of coarse, that isn’t why I don’t drink it… neither is the taste…. I think it tastes just fine… it’s the headache that I get from it, thats the reason I don’t drink it. There is no other beer that can give me a headache like Budweiser. Oh sure, Guiness will lay me up… the next day, but Bud will give me a headache while I’m still drinking it. It’s like a brain-tumor in a bottle. Anyone who says Budweiser is the best isn’t drinking enough of it to get drunk. Pussies.
Wanna get yourself a case of the Type 1s? Get smashed, I mean blacked-out-pissing-on-the-coffee-table smashed. Then as soon as you wake up (hopefully before noon) start drinking whiskey, and keep going strong until you finally keel over. If you vomit, you have to start all over again. Now when you wake up drink some coffee with some whiskey in it to wake you up and keep you on that razor edge. By the time you crap it should be Type 1s. If you didn’t party hard enough, you aren’t dehydrated enough for Type 1s and the last of your fluids will evacuate themselves as some Type 7s. Don’t worry though, you’ll still get them Type 1s the next day. Also by this time your crap (whatever type it is) will smell like roofing tar, and your urine will smell like kidney tears.

Prof. Chuck Holliday’s www page at Lafayette College » Home

http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~hollidac/jacksforreal.html

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A romanticized vision of the wily jackalope can not compare to the TERROR that is the “Real” jackalope. If ever a bunny rabbit could make your blood run cold this is it. Welcome to the Nightmare Hare House of Horrors. These is even more post-apocalyptic than those silk lactating “spidergoats” and also PROOF that God hates “cute”.
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Among the backwater denizens of the Ozark land, it is rumored that the only thing bloodthirstier than a jackalope, is an angry jackalope. Here are some fun Jackalope facts taken out of context from Wikipedia. Read and heed humans! They may just mean the difference between life, or a grizzly death between the rows of bloody incisors within those ragged tumorous jaws…

  • It is said to be a hybrid of the pygmy-deer and a species of “killer-rabbit”.
  • Reportedly, jackalopes are extremely shy unless approached.
  • Legend also has it that female jackalopes can be milked as they sleep belly up and that the milk can be used for a variety of medicinal reasons.
  • It has also been said that the jackalope can convincingly imitate any sound, including the human voice. It uses this ability to elude pursuers, chiefly by using phrases such as “There he goes! That way!”.
  • It is said that a jackalope may be caught by putting a flask of whiskey out at night. The jackalope will drink its fill of whiskey and its intoxication will make it easier to hunt.
  • In some parts of the United States it is said that jackalope meat has a taste similar to lobster.
  • It has also been said that jackalopes will only breed during electrical storms with hail, explaining its rarity.
  • Jackalope young hatch from square eggs and are immediatly carnivorously active.

RICHARD CHEESE – richardcheese.com – HOME

http://www.richardcheese.com/rchome.html

I’ve been a fan of Richard Cheese & Lounge since I first heard them. Once you get past the sheer absurdity of how these songs sound lounge style, you realize these are actually talented performers. The musical arrangements are very well put together and the man himself is a spectacular vocalist. Personally, I find that the overall high quality of their music makes them that much funnier.
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